Wednesday, 5 February 2014
Crossing Oceans For Others
This quote has been a big eye opener this week. Many of us are very short of time. I myself have been chastised by my husband for putting things that other people want me to do for them over my own projects. This includes things in a volunteer capacity, work related stuff I have done as a favour, or for free for friends and family, and projects/tasks which I have taken on to help people out, rather than focusing on my work which could be earning me a good wage.
It's funny that as a charitable person, I always seem to be able to find time to do things for other people, but no time to do things for me. My projects always get put on the back burner, and some people expect that I will pander to their demands and always put their needs first above my own.
It came to a head this week, when three different people assumed that I would go out of my way to accommodate their unreasonable requests, and jump when they said how high, with no concern for my own plans, thoughts or feelings. These three people who wanted to make demands on my time were all completely unrelated, but were just out for what they could get from me, with no reward or benefit on my part. Obviously, life is all about give and take, but at the moment, all I'm seeing is the take and not much give.
When you are the type of person who goes out of your way for other people, there comes a time when you realise that enough is enough. You realise that you have had enough of being leaned on, and having people make demands of you, and that you need to step away from those who expect you to go out of your way for no reward, and get rid of the voluntary things which cause you stress in order to concentrate on what makes you happy and helps you find fulfillment. This is what I will be focusing on in the coming months. As Marie Forleo says, I am getting my ticket for the "No" train.
I will be saying "No" to unreasonable demands on my time, "No" to attending meetings in my professional roles which I am expected to do in a voluntary capacity, "No" to people who want me to take on their projects for free because they want to maximise the profits for themselves, and "No" to companies who want me to advertise their products for free.
In the coming months, I will be forging on with my blogs and my Birth and Digital Marketing businesses, and getting them running at the level I want, rather than doing things for free for everyone else and losing out for myself. A little selfish I know, but it's time to focus on me for once....
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Put a value on your time and if the things you are being asked to do don't reflect that value don't do it. I was guilty of doing too much for others last year so I am being much more selective now. You are not being selfish you are just being sensible. Take care of yourself as I know you always put yourself out for others x
ReplyDeleteThanks Kirsty xx
DeleteDon't feel selfish, sometimes its necessary to do this otherwise people just take you for a ride! You have to get the balance of helping others, and your own needs!
ReplyDeleteanna
I love that quote. My word of the year is nurture and a big part of that is learning to say no to things and do things that nurture me and my family instead.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to get my ticket for the No train.... funnily enough once you say it a couple of times it actually gets easier and you become much more productive rather than running around getting nothing done. Good luck with your future projects :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to be assertive and say 'no' when it's time! Otherwise people will end up walking all over you. Great post x
ReplyDeleteAnd good for you to! I am one of those who says 'yes' a lot to things that I don't have the time for, or for people who give nothing back. I attended a confidence workshop recently: http://www.thepurplepumpkinblog.co.uk/2014/01/how-to-be-confident.html and one of the tasks was to draw our social map - it really gave me insight into who I cross oceans for... Good luck with everything you do for YOU xx
ReplyDeleteGood on you! Always remember not only do you have a right to say no, but no is a complete sentence. you don't have to justify yourself to anyone ;-)
ReplyDeleteAlways good when you realise you need to make changes so you can focus on the important things :)
ReplyDeleteBrilliant quote - I could certainly do with taking a bit more notice!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with putting yourself first occasionally.
ReplyDeleteIt's great to help others but I think it's so important to set boundaries too.
ReplyDeleteSaying no is one of the hardest traits to have. I was having a similar conversation with someone today, she knew she had to say no more, she didnt want to upset people but was getting so upset herself! Good for you that you've made a conscious effort to say no more!
ReplyDeleteMy husband also says that I do this far too much - take on more than I can handle. I like doing things for others though and love to be busy so it kind of comes naturally. I do think however, that we should always put our family first and sometimes I'm not very good at that. Learning to say 'no' is a steep learning curve - good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you, some lovely comments - "No" is a learning curve, and hopefully, I will have the confidence to do it over the coming months :-)
ReplyDeleteI have started to say No too - I was getting so frustrated with having no time for the family
ReplyDeleteOh gosh I can really relate to this. The turning point for me came when I had something I needed help with, and for once I was the one asking and not the one helping. That's when you find out when your real friends are - when people you've helped in the past either reciprocate or don't want to know.
ReplyDeleteGood for you and good luck! x
ReplyDelete